Sara and I were talking over a cup of coffee at Coffee bean in Bangsar shopping center yesterday. Through the window we could see the SPCA’s event, trying to encourage the public to adopt kittens and puppies. We talked about pets, and I mentioned to her that Oscarina wasn’t my dog but my sisters, and her reply was “Yeah, I guessed as much. You don’t strike me as a person who could commit enough to own a dog”. Ok, maybe that were not her exact words, but thats what I heard. I just laughed about it, and told her I wanted to get my own pets if I didn’t travel so much, something small and easy to take care of. And I gave it no further though. And then last night before I went to sleep, what she said rang in my mind again. “Me afraid to commit?”, “How ridiculous”, I thought. After All, I have committed myself to my company and have been there for a total of 6 years already. Something very rare in my line of work. I have been committed to my church for years now. Joining in 1994, thats commitment right? And I also decide to commit to things like my cell group, which I decided to make my own, only after 1 visit. Or my gym, which I committed after a quick 20 minute tour. Thats commitment right?

And though I gave all those as evidence, perhaps there was some truth in the matter. I once told a friend of mine, that I would commit if I only found somebody to commit to, and her reply was ,”Perhaps you can’t find somebody because you refuse to commit”. And then I have tons of friends who tell me its my fault that I am still single, because I am too choosey, even though I have so many female friends. I don’t think that thats a fair comment as I am just friends with allot of women, mostly because they chose so, not me. And I have heard so many girls tell me ,”I am not looking for a relationship right now”, to me, and yet I turn around and they develop boyfriends. I think they left out the “with you” at the end of that sentence. Oh well, “Their Lost”, I tell myself, but that kinda runs a little thin after the 1001th time.

So do I have a fear of commitment? I honestly don’t think so. Am I too choosey? I don’t think so either. I don’t really wanna go after every girl I am even remotely attracted to, and being a youth leader in my church, I tend to make sure I have my boundaries. I don’t date anybody who is still studying. Thats a rule I have never broken, and never will. I also can’t bring myself to go out with people I have mentored as a Cell leader, even though its obvious I am attracted to them. I have trained myself to consider them as a little sister, and after a while, thats how they will remain.

My friend Diane reminded me last last week that I at the age where I should be getting married or at least dating somebody. I don’t really think I needed her to remind me. I am reminded each day when I have dinner alone, or when I have to stay late because of a meeting, and all my co-workers are calling their wives or girlfriends to say they have to work late, and I have no plans whatsoever I need to break. Or when I travel, and my team members are calling home to talk to thier wives and girlfriends and children even, and I just sit there not having anybody to call really. I mean seriously, I really don’t have anybody to call, and I am so used to it.

I am a loner, have been for many years now. Oh well….

On this day in History..

• Spring Blossoms - 2006
• You know your uncle when..... - 2007
• Illiterate Malaysians - 2008
• Nick in a wheelchair - 2008

This entry was posted on Monday, June 4th, 2007 at 8:48 am and is filed under Singlehood. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.