Today I woke up feeling torn apart. This is a weird feeling. In my heart I know that I know that I know God loves me, and this loneliness and solitude is only for a season. But I also have this feeling that maybe its not. That Maybe I am gonna be alone forever. In all the fears that invade this fragile heart of mine, this fear is the greatest. Somedays I feel like, Bring it on! I have been alone for like years now. I can do this forever. And then When I see everybody around me not being alone, I am like…When’s it my turn God. My close friend Elaine told me that its something I have to work out with God. But What is there to work out? I just don’t wanna be alone anymore. And frankly I am. People tell me I have my cell group, I have friends, I have soo many people. And at times that seems true, but at the end of the Day, when Church service or cell is over, When I come home from Work, after I eat dinner alone, I sit at home, go through my phonelist of people to call to hang out with, and I find that My phone is full of numbers of people who can’t, won’t or to busy to spend time with you. When I spend time in worship I don’t feel alone. I feel God’s presence and all, but there Conversations with God is like conversations with myself. Ever feel like you are a fraud? I mean, I know my Jesus is real. And I know he will fufill all my needs. Then why do I fear being alone forever? Isn’t Jesus’s Love enough? Anyways, just thoughts.

On this day in History..

• Lunch Munch - 2005
• Off to Johor Baru... - 2007
• Tango in Paris :- Père Lachaise Cemetery - 2008
• Tango In Paris :- Boat Ride Video - 2008

Tags: Personal

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 27th, 2003 at 3:24 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.